National Health service – UK vs GERMANY

You feel ill and consider that a visit to the doctor would be advised.

Obviously you want to be as stress and worry-free on this matter ASAP. Here is what happens in 2 different European countries.

NB:

1. You pay NI into both of these countries service along with taxes from your wages per month
2. You contact your doctor for treatment to book an appointment when you have a health issue you are concerned about.

Scenario A. Calling my OWN doctor’s surgery – Hello, I need an appointment please…………..OK – we can fit you in 3 weeks from now OR you can call back tomorrow at 8am to get a same day appointment.

I call back 8am next morning………………Oh we can’t offer you an appointment today but we can fit you in tomorrow at 0830. Is that OK?

(Well yes of course I am feeling unwell so take an appointment when I can)

On morning of appointment, I wait 10 minutes and then doctor asks what is wrong with me. I tell him all the issues that I feel contribute to the problem. He says this is too much going on for a few minutes appointment so asks me to clarify most recent issues. Then gives me 2 forms & sends me to the hospital for X-ray and blood tests. I go directly (taking a book for writing time) and after a couple of hours I leave with the information that my doctor will have the results NEXT week. (a stress-free week?…… I doubt it!)

A week later the doctor rings me to tell me that I have high cholesterol of 6.3 and a shadow on X ray so to get another one). Asks re my breathing problems and when I ask when I should have the x-ray he says he’ll leave a form for the hospital at reception for me. I explain I’m currently in Germany and won’t be back for about a month. So he suggests I have it checked when I’m back in UK.

How stress-free am I going to be for a month?

Scenario B. Walk into a surgery in the local area I have never been to before.

Hello I need to see a doctor……………”Do you have your health card with you? .show this and ………..”please take a seat and the doctor will be with you soon.”

Three minutes later doctor appears and I explain that I have a problem and that I recently had an x-ray in UK that showed a shadow. It may be from an injury in January to my rib but we don’t know and I was told to get it checked. Also, that I may have a cholesterol problem.

Doctor immediately gets nurse to take my blood pressure and do a cardiogram. He then takes blood samples and asks me to go to hospital for X-ray later today. After that to return to him in evening for all results so we can then proceed.

So I call the hospital to make x-ray appointment and it’s booked for 1:15 next day.

Arriving at hospital early I sit and wait and at PRECISELY 1:15 the nurse appears and shuffles me into a room, tells me to take top half of clothes off and wait in the room to be collected. This tiny cubicle room has a door leading directl6y into the X-ray room and within 5 minutes this is opened, I am processed, shuffled back into cubicle room to get dressed and then told to sit outside and wait.

Ten minutes later I am called into another room and given results – nothing to see on the x-ray and nothing to worry about and my results will be with doctor tomorrow morning.

Next morning go to doctors’ surgery and am seen within 5 minutes by doc who gives me blood test and other results – cholesterol is slightly high but it is the GOOD cholesterol so nothing to worry about.

How stress-free am I now?

Less stress always causes less sickness and pain in my opinion. SO let’s shorten the amount of time required for the stress where we can in the UK please. Why is there such a difference do you think – comments please………………

Do it while you’re young!

I am an old bird and I have lived a good life so far. I say so far because, although there is not enough time for me to achieve all the things I want to, I can still get out there and do some whilst healthy. I am not afraid to try anything new if I am capable.

Often fear holds people back, putting things off holds people back, lack of self-confidence holds people back and prevarication holds people back.

I say, whatever it is that holds you back FORGET IT and DO IT NOW while you have health, strength and an interest in doing something more.

When I was younger people would tell me to do as much as possible while I was young and some I did but others I avoided through lack of self-confidence, fear or “to fit in”. Now many of the things I had thought I may one day do are no longer within my fitness levels.

Of course, I have only myself to blame for not listening actively and understanding better what I would be capable of later in life.

In this respect I say to all younger people – however young you be – get on with it and DO IT NOW so that you cannot look back and say “I wish……….!, “I would have……if…….!””

With age comes an understanding that although you may think that confidence will grow and fears disappear as you age, I can tell you that the only way to overcome anything is to do as much as you possibly can in your life. Even  when you feel fear – DO IT ANYWAY

Growing older does not result in less fear or more self-confidence – DOING things is how to get to a place of confidence (often apparent confidence!) as you learn to accept things as they are and live in the NOW.

Many people do not live in the NOW and therefore time can slide past just thinking, planning and without real action. Then afterwards people often will regret and bemoan the past.

So get out there – feel the fear and do it anyway and enjoy the health you have. Whereas inaction can make you slow down and stagnate, I have found that action can make you stronger, fitter, younger and healthier.

GO DO IT – while you are young – in health, even if not in age!

Change for the better?

Philip Hammonds comment on a recent TV interview that “a million shorthand typists had faced losing their jobs to personal computers” was nuts but NOT because there are no unemployed people. The press intimated that he had gaffed when he said there were no unemployed people but I got his reference and the point.

Even without a shorthand typist you need a person to operate a computer anyway. Thus one replaced the other and knowledge was also gained by those who chose to learn and change.

Perhaps he should have said. “People had to adapt with the advent of the computer and did brilliantly when they received further training to develop their existing skills. Those who were good at their jobs soon found that the drudge of typing was replaced with more creativity in word-processing and computing”

This was also the case when the mines closed. Those who lost their jobs may have looked to utilise their existing skills and develop additional ones. Many who were good and willing did whilst others were not able to do so.

Change usually requires a mind-shift and often even a relocation Yet life in general is surely all about moving on, learning, progressing and developing more skills, ideas and talents. We all progress from a foetus in the womb through childhood to adulthood and thus to departing the mortal coil. All the time we develop, we are learning, and we continue to take in more knowledge which can make us healthier and add to our longevity.

In my humble opinion, learning and development is all part of a healthy life and thus I am constantly living in the NOW but also looking to the future – not with fear or misgivings but with optimism as to what will be the next stage of my learning and development. Thus, I can progress and grow in healthy body, mind and spirit.

Often change requires a significant effort on the part of those who wish to change. Often it is simply a shift in mind-set. We must understand and learn that nothing is fixed in this world and nothing comes easy to those who would challenge life. After all this is where we make inroads and acknowledge and admire the great historical figures who discovered new things, exploring the world, sciences, nature etc.

Unfortunately, those who do not wish for change can appear lazy and ignorant of the possible outcomes that will ensue if they do not move on and embrace change. They and their ideas will stagnate and possibly die early from ennui.

Progress is all about learning,  and learning,  in whatever form it takes cannot be bad. Whether we are adapting to innovative ideas, people or places we need to be moving along and welcoming the changes that have occurred (and continue to occur) throughout our lives.

Yes, sometimes change may seem to impact adversely but this is usually only in the short term and when we acknowledge change and swim with the tide instead of fighting it we will not drown but may come yet to a better understanding of our purpose here and in the whole scheme of things. So, I feel we need to welcome change and step forward even if it is only with small steps.

Change always does one thing – It gets people discussing, talking, debating in this world where many seem to follow the herds who bemoan the (usually rose-tinted) loss of their past. Let’s change any negative moans that we may have into positivity and always look on the bright side of everything that is thrown our way.

After all I would rather live my life feeling positive about something every day than by feeling down and negative – wouldn’t you? And if I can’t change my attitude then I can never change my circumstances can I?

 

HOW to……….?

Well, I am in the midst of trying to get direct business now since working at getting an employed job that will offer me a challenge is pretty soul-destroying. Although employers and agencies are not allowed to tell you I know from a number of applications without getting further that my age is a barrier.

It doesn’t help that a lot of my work has also been overseas and when it comes ro referees I furnish numbers and emails that are from various parts of the world. No problem with the personal refs howeverr, but for work….?  – have to rely on testimonials and that doesn’t seem to cut it here.

So am designing a website and also a load of different ,,,,”this is what I did there” statements to see if that will help me get some work on contract and on self-employed basis. Need to look into funding, loans, insurances, equipment, etc – all such a pain in the butt, but (oops double butting!) also necessary.

As I have written bepoke training I think that perhaps a module or two might be good to put on my website. However, I do not want these stolen and used by others without reference to me and a payment – so now also need to look at copywriting a trining module and am thinking to compose an E-book as well – too many things going on in my mind and at the end of it all – will it offer me a decent living for now and an income for the future.  Who knows but needs must so I need to try.

Ideas for progressing quickly much appreciated please.

 

COMPARTMENTALISATION – How Inner Dance can unlock those boxes.

 

I go into my bathroom where I have a number of different and tiny sets of drawers as well as a variety of baskets for keeping things – eye pencils, lipsticks, hair ties, hair clips, dental floss and picks, etc.

In my bedroom I have sets of drawers for underwear, socks/stockings, belts, t-shirts of different styles, leggings and shorts/trousers as well as a miscellaneous drawer for jumpers and night-time apparel. I have baskets and boxes for jewellery. Even in my storage cupboard I have little boxes of screws, fixings, electrical items, etc. And I also even have a box of boxes!!

Why – I wonder? –  and this sets me to thinking whether compartmentalising my stuff is a way of life that has evolved over time or if I have developed it.

In the same way that I sort my stuff into sections, I feel I am able to compartmentalise my life into sections of events, months, jobs, or years rather than drawers or boxes.

So what does it mean – Compartmentalization?

As listed in the free dictionary covering a number of subjects it has the same theme of “limiting the spread of”…… and this seems the case when we draw dividing lines or box things in. In psychology they state that compartmentalization allows conflicting ideas to co-exist without disrupting the whole.

How many of us really find the time each day to note the path we are on and the route we take as the result of the passing of a comment, a butterfly or time itself? Although we may not feel life has changed significantly over time as we proceed through life, when looking back, I wonder how many of us can see the day, the incident, the occurrence and coincidences that steered us along one path as opposed to another.

Opening each compartment we hold internally can reveal very different feelings, actions, emotions, experiences and friendships from another section. Opening them all at once could cause confusion, turmoil, frustration or pain. Of course, the major changes in our lives such as coming of age celebrations, marriages, births and deaths are more easily seen and recognised for what they are. But what about the smaller hidden influences  – how do we see them?

Time out is required so that we can examine what we have in our compartments and reorganise them to suit us better in the now. Those who meditate feel the benefit of the relaxing of the mind (a box in itself) and when they can slip into the gap between thoughts often answers will appear (often when not actually sought) because the universe does not now have to fight the mind and this is where meditation can help.

If we all took a little time out each day to meditate we would have a smoother flow and not need to go to therapy in later years whenever stress takes hold. By boxing things away we only build more walls to prevent our finding the way into our true inner selves don’t we?

Better still than a simple meditation, an Inner Dance session with an experienced facilitator can take you, in the space of 2 hours, into a deeper healing place as your mind slips from the logical into the creative side, relaxing as it goes and digging deep into the compartments to dig out the pent up emotions that often hold us trapped for years and halt our progress to the next stages along our spiritual pathway.

An Inner Dance session can refresh our souls and inner psyche and help us to avoid any mental discomfort and anxiety caused by a person’s conflicting values, cognitions, emotions, beliefs, etc. within themselves.

So let’s get rid of the unwanted and decompartmentalize our lives through the truly wonderful self-learning process that is Inner Dance. 

 

 

 

 

DIRECTNESS – IS IT RUDE OR A MISUNDERSTANDING?

Having lived in the East (India, Indonesia) where people talk directly to you without necessarily intending offence, I find it interesting to note that when you come to England and talk in the same direct way, it can often offend and be considered quite rude.

Thus to me, the difference in cultures and the way people perceive things and read or hear what you say you is very interesting. There should always therefore be a period of learning when meeting with people from different parts of the world.

In India if someone says to you – “you’re looking fat” or “you got fat” it is a polite way of saying you are looking healthy & wealthy. This stems from the fact that poor people can’t afford much to eat so are thin, and as a result, also often ill.

When I was told by a girl in India who hadn’t seen me for some time that I was looking fat, I thanked her. After all, she had a genuine smile of welcoming on her face and I understood that she was meaning it as a complete compliment and that I was looking very well. Having lived there and knowing her, I understood the meaning behind the words.

Being the way I am, if I had not understood her statement, I would not simply have accepted and drawn conclusions from it. I would probably have asked her “Why do you say that dear?”

In England and a large part of the western world, if you said the same thing to someone (whether they be friend or only a nodding acquaintance) it seems that they would most times be affronted by it.

So why is that I asked myself? I came to the conclusion that it was perhaps because people do not question further the reasoning behind a statement? Questioning can surely only lead to better understanding after all, can’t it? Children do it all the time as part of their learning after all.

A simple “why do you say that?” helps to elicit further information which then can swing the mood towards the true meaning of a comment – providing the questioner then listens to the answer to that question of course!

Curiousity is surely good in these situations. Jumping to conclusions is NOT the way to go since that involves our own inner feelings and judgement of ourselves which may be influenced by external marketing. You may sometimes need to dig deeper to root out the true meaning but should not jump to conclusions and be affronted by it.

In a sales environment, good sales techniques include questioning, listening and overcoming any objections/barriers so why not in a personal situation when you are surely in the process of selling yourself anyway?

So how direct should we be? … and WHERE & WHEN should we be direct?

That is for every individual to decide upon given their circumstances, their life experiences and their attitude to others as well as to themselves.

In my experience, most people will feel confident and have self-love of themselves if brought up in a predominantly positive environment but they can also develop self-loathing in the same way through an abundance of negativity. These feelings of negativity are barriers to be overcome and often need further exploration in the form of questioning and listening.

No-one else really judges us after all – we are our own judges and I feel that although we should never judge others, it is human nature to draw some conclusions. But we really cannot draw conclusions about others without further disclosure and understanding.

My belief is that the best way to achieve that is through actively listening to the other person. To listen better and really HEAR what is said we may have to question further but we will learn more as a result.  Life is all about learning and it is not only ourselves that have interesting points of view so we should question, listen and then explore the responses further in an attempt to also better develop ourselves further.

You will need to decide for yourself where to stop with direct plain-speaking of course and will often find that keeping quiet may be the best solution.

Unfortunately, although some will question your statement and then listen before judging, many others are quick to jump to conclusions and retire into their own negative thoughts. This negative way of responding can then breed resentment.

That should not stop you from being direct though as when you are direct, if you are not considered rude and neither are you misunderstood you may have met a new like-minded soul, to add to your coterie of direct speaking friends.

 

MEMORIES ARE MADE OF THIS?

Su creates havoc by travelling to New Jersey – another adventurous day in my past (A.K.A the shittiest day to travel to New Jersey with Continental Airlines)

I was travelling to Newark from Gatwick on 11th August 2006 and I rose VERY early to get to Gatwick from the Isle of Wight. Not being someone who listens to or reads the news often I was oblivious to anything special happening today (except me flying off to visit a friend and enjoy some American hospitality)

So I was pretty amazed when, on arrival at Gatwick Terminal there were hordes of people all pressing together and I panicked slightly as I was running JUST on time and HAD to get to my check in desk through them all by 10am as the plane was due to depart at 1200 and no delays were displayed on the board. It was also unusual to note that many security people had guns but nothing really surprises me anymore so moving forward I eventually reached the check in area for my Air Continental flight

I then had to go through a VERY strict process for check in which entailed me having to take ALL of my hand luggage and put it into my main hold baggage (with the exception only of some money, my passport and the ticket – not even a book to read was allowed today!!!!) What is going on I asked myself and several others (who were unable to tell me more than a security scare perhaps?)

Being a cynic, I thought it was possibly a ploy to get us to spend more money in the duty-free area of the airport as we could get anything there (EXCEPT perfumes or alcohol!?!)– so I grabbed a book to read on the flight. However, after all this we were allowed onto the plane at 1230 (UK time) and I thought – OK this is great we are only slightly late for take-off now so let’s get on with it folks.

NO CHANCE! For the following FOUR hours – yes FOUR hours we sat on the tarmac with no word of explanation as to what was happening except the occasional apology for the delay! I was feeling so sad for the family with a young baby who had been crying for ages ( 4 hours sitting with an infant in these cramped conditions could not have been fn for them.

Finally at 4pm (UK time) we took off.

Heh ho – off we go thought I, as we flew across the Atlantic and we landed eventually. Unfortunately though this was during an electrical storm so we had to then wait on the runway for a further 45mins as we queued with other planes for our landing ramp. Disembarking we then went to the VERY BUSY luggage hall where we then waited a further 1 hour for the baggage!!!

Fortunately the driver sent to collect me was there as scheduled and drove me to my friend’s house so I finally arrived there at 1130pm (Easter Seaboard time) feeling so tired that I was wide awake again – you know that feeling? It was then that I discovered the reason for the delay was a liquid-based bomb alert scare. The alert was for a flight to Newark with Continental Airlines (lucky me eh?)

So I drank a couple of coffees to keep me going a little longer before I headed to my luggage to get a shower before bed. But this was NOT the end of things – oh no – it was instead SHOCK horror, quelle surprise!

My well packed luggage was still intact in every way and relatively undisturbed but EVERY single item of liquid – cleansers, bath gear, shampoos, hair products, deodorant, vitamin pills, lipsticks and mascara, and all related items had been taken by the airline.  Some expensive items in there too – amounting to around £300 worth of product!

Now personally I call that stealing as I was never informed of this being done at all and the rest of the bag was still neatly packed! Hence, I believe now the real reason we sat on tarmac at Gatwick for 4 hours – those Americans were NOT going to let us take anything with us that may destroy their planes , country or reputation.

Do you think they actually destroyed all those products or even tested them?  (which they should have done if they suspected foul play?) OR did most of them end in other peoples pockets? – though officially they will be saying it was destroyed I am sure.

So next day I went off to the chemist to buy small travel and sample products of deodorant, etc so that when I travelled out of the USA there would be no big issues and I wouldn’t have any more theft!

Funnily enough though – there were no delays and hardly any security checking on the way back and we left and landed on time – obviously if you are going out of the USA with a bomb they don’t care – only when they think you will bring one in do they get paranoid.

 Several months after the event I finally got a $600 compensation but this was a strenuous procedure and I had to fight for it threatening to write to the newspapers, etc – No report was ever made of this theft either to my knowledge!

 NB: This all happened on 11^th August 2006 –the day the world decided to restrict liquids in your hand luggage and almost 5 years after some people simply got in a plane and flew them into the Twin Towers.

I look forward to reading any contentious and outraged comments on this post

 

3 WHEELS ON MY WAGON

Soon I will be saying farewell to my faithful supporter of the last 8 months. When I bought Renee Blue I said I’d be happy if she only managed to support me for 3-4 months and she has been faithful for 7 so I should be extremely happy.  However I am a little sad to lose such a faithful friend.

I bought her four new shoes after 2 months and she happily carried me around the south of our country in warmth and without any panicky moments.  

As I will soon be housebound and unable to drive for 6 weeks after an operation I have decided that she now deserves a rest and at 118,500 miles (and 4500 more than when I got her) her little rear wheel bearing, shock absorber fluid leak,  and broken coil spring are all warning us both of her impending demise.   

To fix her now (at some expense) and then also deal with the other issues that will soon arise (from the dodgy alternator and sticky gears as well as anything else) ……well it would not be sensible.

 Although I am not the most sensible of people when it comes to certain areas I think now I must say thank you and wave her goodbye.

She deserves to rest now and did me proud throughout the cold wet winter days and when I was marooned with limited transport out in the country . She took me up as far as Leicester and has allowed me to shave time off visiting friends and family all over the place.

Soon I will need to revert to buses and trains until I’m fully incapacitated for 6 weeks after which, as summer will be here, I may be able to save money by walking long distances with a new hip.

 Alors, merci bien Renee Bleu et au revoir.  Although I must say good bye to your wheels and wagon I’ll hopefully be still rolling along.

A wealth of healthy chat.

When I was younger I used to wonder why it is that older people always seem to be engaging in conversations revolving around all things medical?

However, I am getting it now – I recently mentioned that I was unable to attend an evening out as I would be travelling back from a hospital appointment after having my hip checked.

Immediately the person I was chatting with told me about her bad knee and her wish to delay the operation if possible.

I had considered putting the hip replacement off myself but have decided I NEED to get it done NOW (or as soon as they fit me in) while the weather is milder and before the winter chills which aggravate the arthritis there set back in.

I then remembered and mentioned that I needed to get an eye & hearing test while I qualify for them free on the NHS (not because I am retired or even old enough but due to the fact of my current unemployed status.)

She then told me about her cataract operation which meant she had to delay her eye test until her eye was “normal” again. No point getting new glasses before then of course.

The light on the horizon away from these thoughts is that whilst I am unemployed I have decided to do some voluntary work at the local community centre and had spoken with the centre manager to arrange.  She informed me that I can work there Wednesdays perhaps and if I would like to telephone clients for fund-raising I could be useful.  Unfortunately, 1 of the forthcoming Wednesdays is another hip check-up but then it should all be clear for a while.

Once my hip is replaced I don’t need to hobble too far on crutches to help and as the centre is only 2 blocks away from me I can hobble there as well as the 2 blocks to the seafront on sunny days (both in opposite directions.) until up to full health again.

Having been advised its 4-6 weeks on crutches and 3WHOLE MONTHS after before I can get on a plane to fly away (or risk DVT of the calf apparently!) I am trusting the time will “fly” by and that work will come pouring in.

So, I seem to have answered my own question re the engagement of conversation regarding health by getting older myself. 

Looking forward to writing a blog which will concentrate more on the wealth of health perhaps.

AM I SWEET ENOUGH?

 

It seems I have developed a reputation for being the “coffee and cake” girl as a result of me visiting so many places to sit and work on my computer. Also whilst travelling alone I often choose a location indoors (or out when it is warm enough) to do a spot of people watching or meditation – thus there have been a number of photos of coffee and cake in various locations around the globe.

The places I visit invariably tend to be coffee shops (other than the library where there is a kind of hush (A fine Carpenters song). I usually purchase a drink or two and, depending on the kind of fare they serve, I may end up with a cake.

This has also made me into a bit of a snob regarding cakes now as I turned my nose up recently to a café serving scones, velvet cake and pastries that were obviously not home-made. I tend to select those places with gluten free alternatives or deliciously different recipes – thus courgette and lime cake, ginger & walnut, or other exciting looking homemade concoctions.

I can blame no-one else, and never would if (or when! )I  put on a few pounds – but then again I rarely weigh myself, preferring to judge my size by my comfort in clothes. And NO I am not buying clothes in bigger and bigger sizes – Ha!

Rocking around the world eating cake and drinking coffee seems like a good hobby actually and one to get wired up on without having to drink something that will make me wobble or fall down (alcohol). It may not be the healthiest way to live but it certainly boosts my mood so it is healthy in that respect I suppose. Anyway, although by my posts it looks like I am ALWAYS in coffee shops I do regulate myself somewhat and I will not take offence if you decide to call me Susie Sweet Stuff.

Gotta go –  am off to meet some people for coffee and a chat so will have to check out what the offerings are there no doubt. Hehehehe

Time to start again?

So after a protracted period of no productivity on this site I have taken up the gauntlet again and will be throwing down some lines of thought from time to time for those interested enough in reading them.

The last 18months have seen me roving the UK, trying to keep warm whilst I looked for a place to live and work. Now I have settled in a little flat that is cosy, comfy and close to the sea. Am still living in the NOW so I cannot say how long it will be that I remain in this place.  However, at least the sun is finally coming out more often, the dark and dull days of winter are flying away, and we can look forward to a brighter, sunnier lifestyle for a few months.  Trusting that this will help me be more proactive and productive in a space I can cultivate.

In order to cultivate a life in a new place one has to get out there so joining all sorts of groups and following meet-up sites locally is always a must. We cannot simply sit indoors and stagnate or bemoan our lot when trying to start again.

There are so many new places, new people and sights and sounds to explore that we will see what new friendships, social life and peace of mind the months ahead will bring.

Starting again can take time but time always helps us to start again and always adds a new dimension to our lives and thoughts and feelings.

Short and sweet and bye for now but I will return again soon.

THE GAME OF LIFE – HEALTH OR WEALTH? – RELAX

OK. So I have made it and after 3 more months living in Nigeria (a total of 9 where I was totally immersed in work 7 days per week whilst there with no outlet other than a week out every month) I finally gave up the ghost at the end of August realising that my health and state of mind were not in a good place.

I had saved some money to take me to a place that means I can relax for a short time but I could not bring myself to remain there longer. To purely remain for the financial gain at the same time as  totally giving up a happy social life (and time as it ticked) in return is not a healthy way to live for me.

So now I am back to Europe and currently in the UK playing the waiting game at the same time as I am making decisions and floating ideas on what to do and how to go about it next.

Long-term plan is (always) to find that warm place where my heart and soul and great companions live within an easy distance. This is what has drawn me to Spain in Europe. However, that is still a fluid plan and shorter-term I need to find some work before funds deplete. Thus I am exploring many angles to see what I can achieve

Looking at house or pet-sitting to possibly locate myself in places that may appeal to live in later on but also thinking to work as a temp in London again leading up to the New Year – a guarantee of friends, life and some money in (obviously also paying more money out of course so it is all relative). Also considering courses and TEFL raises its head again as a plan I have considered for some time now.

Do I simply hike off to Spain, find a spot and then spend a few months creating my training e-book and website and blogsites for poetry, coaching, etc? Do I enrol for a course (or courses) to take me further along the healing/training road?

Still no nearer knowing really but after 2 months of UK now and being on the IOW again, I am now waiting to see what occurs with the “operation” I now need. This is actually an injection apparently into the hip bone to stop it from disintegrating fully!

Having returned to the Island in September, I re-registered with my old doctor ( 2006 was last time I saw her) had a whole session of blood and breathing tests as well as x-rays organised to ensure I am in fit condition. So this is why I am still here and will be until end November it seems.

Having finally disposed of the main bulk of my stored items (although the idea of selling them all off quickly didn’t happen so most of them were given away) I have enrolled on a few sites for house and pet-sitting (mainly unpaid!) and am looking to see where to travel next.

My summer wardrobe was pretty ineffective here but a few little shopping expeditions to the cheaper optional clothing stores (Primani and the odd charitable place) proved worthwhile and not too expensive.  These warmer layers have helped me somewhat and hopefully I can now feel less chilled (my blood is thickening anyway I think AND we have mild weather at this time) for a while.

Exploring too many ideas again (in and outside of my head of course!)  – TEFL courses in Spain or even Thailand, Reiki for animals ( and people) counselling certification and now reading a great book on NLP.

SO many ideas and STILL so little time for me to achieve everything I have ever wanted to do.

So I have to knuckle down and accept some things will not be possible to achieve. This is very frustrating as when young I was taught that NOTHING is impossible if you want it enough – a creed I have always followed.

Having said that the time factor was never mentioned and NOW I have begun my 70^th decade and am realising that I may have to prioritise even more effectively and quickly.

Certainly I possibly need to spend less time thinking/planning and more time taking action. Otherwise as the sands of time run down they may run out before I get to action thoughts and plans in my heart and mind.

But then again, life is a waiting game and I therefore need to take a few deep breaths and have the patience to know that the universe WILL provide and if I relax I will always have the wealth of health.

WHAT IS LIVING LIFE TO THE FULL?

So life is all about the living isn’t it?

In my book that means that we should love life and that equates to whatever we do in life.

Thus if we are not happy we should get out – correct?

NO……. I don’t mean get out of life – please let me assure you I love life enough to remain here until my next incarnation thank you.

What I do mean is that when things are getting you down to the extent where you feel you are wasting time…….that’s when you get out…..of the situation that you are in!

And I am still trying to equate my situation as I have not been having much fun for a while now.

I can blame it on things, circumstances or others but I will not do that as it is only ME I have to blame for any pain or lack of fun I suffer.

So I have been challenging myself to go out and have fun, thus when I was last in Abuja I went to the Hilton for half a day to see who I may meet and what this venue could offer me.

Sadly, nothing different EXCEPT for a very nice lunch a swim and a couple of drinks.

So back at the ranch and the boredom of housebound jobs, work preparations, movies or……….? But at least I get out of the country once in 5 weeks.

During this last 3 month period, we have had the elections in Nigeria as well as UK, I have passed a milestone birthday, travelled back to the UK twice, had 2 weeks on one visit reuniting with friends and family both individually & en-masse at the Big Birthday Bash and another 5 days catching up with other friends and keeping healthy with top to toe treatments (literally). I also had a great week in Almeria exploring the area.

I have enjoyed all this time away from the workplace base and as my sisters advised me, enjoying and being happy in your own life is ALL that basically matters after all! Our footprint on this earth will not last long.

So why, now that I am back in Abuja, after a week have I actually been dis-eased and again uncertain of what to do. I love my work (or most aspects of it) but the lack of anything else here makes me wonder whether to move on and get some contentment back.

What is living life to the full all about really?

Mojacar Musing

So 900 km of driving later, my 6 days in Spain are over and I am back in Madrid waiting for my connection to Lagos.

Had a result at Almeria airport as I had to get the car back within a certain period or face additional charges. Then it would have been 2.5 hours waiting there, but as I was early enough to get an earlier connection the woman at the Air Nostrum desk, which is Iberia’s regional airline, switched me to that and now I have 3 hours here in Madrid airport instead of having to RUN from one terminal spot to another with the later flight.

Madrid is a vast airport comprising the regional routes and the international routes and all these are linked by a train so you HAVE to get there early as flight connections could be tight and then you would miss them.

So I have been on my Almeria jaunt this week and was so pleased that I hired the car as I have been able to explore the coastline from Cartagena (in Murcia region) to Almeria (Almeria region!)

My first full day in Mojacar I took off and drove up to Vera, a lovely little town in the mountains where they had market day. This is also a lovely mix of old and new and the nudist playa of Vera was also an attraction another day.

After Vera I drove to Palomares, (where I had arranged to meet up with people I knew from Goa)

I spent a very pleasant afternoon with them in the village square listening to live Spanish music and dancing some of the time away as well as catching up.

However, I don’t know if I would want to live there as it is a little TOO small for me and not near enough the coast. Also a lot of British although it has a good mix of Brits and Spanish apparently.

Mojacar, where I was staying on the Playa side is very spread out and seems very much a resort area as it is quiet here now but apparently can be manic during July and August so maybe best to avoid at those times.  The beaches here are OK but not as nice as the one in Carboneras (which is 20 minutes’ drive around the hills).

In the other direction the little town of Garuccha, with its marina and fishing port was also lovely and only 5 minutes’ drive from where I stayed. I explored there a little on the first evening here.

I was pleased to have selected Mojacar as my point of Airbnb stay as it was central and actually a lovely stretch of the coastline. One of my favourite spots here is Aguilas (a large town on the coastal border of Almeria and Murcia). This is very Spanish and reminiscent of Fuengirola to me.

I came across this town when I headed up to Cartagena on Monday (the previous day I spent relaxing on the nudist beach for a couple of hours and generally just touring around.

Cartagena was lovely and has a mix of old and new, reminding me of Tarragona (where I visited last June) as it is a town with character, ROman ruins and lots to see. However, as I went on a Monday (when all museums are closed!) I only explored the exterior of buildings, the amphitheatre, the walls of the town and had a good walk around, right up to the top of the town and then down (great views) Finally I had a lovely Menu del Dia and Helados later. Had parked on the seafront in an underground car park so that was great as the car stayed cool and it cost very little for the 4 hours I was there.

I also checked out San Juan de Torreros, on the way to Cartagena, where a developer was promoting new properties in a location called Pulpi del Mar. I had arranged to view one but felt this town rather remote even though it was fairly close to Aguilas (previously mentioned above).

I spent the next day travelling through the Cabo de Gata-Nijar Park, which stretches for miles and encompasses lots of little villages and lonely stretches of roads that meander around the hills and coastline there. Glorious.

This is when I discovered Carboneras, a rather lovely village and another one of my favourite spots. It is only 15 minutes drive from Mojacar and is a lovely seaside Spanish pueblo with a GREAT beach stretch and Paseo Maritime just inside the lovely Parque Cabo de Gata area of Almeria.

They have a large desalination plant there on the edge of town and I was advised by my Airbnb host that they tend to have prices for Spanish and prices for foreigners there, which seems rather cheeky but reminded me of course of Goa in that respect.

Anyway, the place has a lot of character and is again very Spanish.

From there I headed into the City of Almeria where I spent a couple of hours having a wander up to the Alcazaba (like the Alhambra but lots smaller I think) before coming back through another part of the park to Mojacar.

I am loving the quiet that is April in Almeria and SO pleased I chose this time of year as it was warm enough to sunbathe but without hordes of people ( or kids!)

Spain is still suffering from the recession it seems and prices of property has plummeted so if you bought here 10-12 years ago you will have lost money now if you are selling. However, it is still a bit of a buyers’ market although prices are apparently starting to recover slowly.

One night I discovered La Dolce Vita, a restaurant on the seafront in Mojacar.

In fact it was by chance I went in as I had searched a few places early evening (6pm) to eat and was either told that they opened at 7pm or 8pm. As I tend to be an early eater this does not help me. These were restaurants on the seafront as the wind was up that afternoon (after I returned from Almeria outing) so the sea was wild and wonderful – so the perfect spot for dinner overlooking the sea I thought.

Anyway – no luck so decided to JUST go for coffee and cake in this pasteleria on the seafront and Lo and Behold on entering I discovered a lovely restourant with a great little menu and enclosed decking right on the seafront. Bingo – I had a lovely meal there and then returned today to enjoy a coffee and cake late morning.

The weather though cloudy from around 4pm that day until 1030 the following morning then cleared and it became very hot and sunny with a great breeze. So I was loving the “Dolce Vita” in Almeria I must say.

This was my final day so I stayed in the area to mooch, had a sports massage and then a pedicure (much needed both!) and as my hostess had suggested we go for a drink early evening which will be along the seafront we ended the day (and my stay) very pleasantly before going home to pack and for a great night’s sleep before I head back to Lagos today and work tomorrow.

I had lovely weather the whole of my stay and I would definitely recommend a visit to this area of Almeria – there is a lot to offer and I think Mojacar is a lovely beach resort. The Pueblo in the mountains is also very quaint although for me the draw has to be the coastal areas.

DON’T YOU JUST LOVE THE PAGEANT THAT IS POLITICS?

Possibly what is happening in Nigeria currently also happens in a number of countries but to date I have not been actually involved in a country where it happened so it has interested me as a topic.

The Nigerian elections have been delayed for 6 weeks!

This whilst the current government concentrate apparently on dealing with the terrorism  mainly in the north east of the country.

Their actual statement said they postponed  “to give a new multinational force time to secure northeastern areas under the sway of Boko Haram.” as “Millions could be disenfranchised if the voting went ahead while the Islamic extremists hold a large swath of the northeast and commit mayhem that has driven 1.5 million people from their homes.”

Now the elections will be held on 28th March and 11th April and the main contender Mohammed Buhari is making a stand to say they will not tolerate any further delays. He also states that the ruling party have done this to avoid defeat.

Goodluck Jonathan (ruling party) maintains that the handover day of 29th May will be upheld whatever occurs and he  “remains committed to vacating office if not re-elected”

Well  –  YES – you would have to vacate surely – if you are not elected you move out UNLESS you are having a coup of some sort – I am correct on this point am I not?

Of course the USA has also put it’s thoughts into the mix and stated “It is critical that the government not use security concerns as a pretext for impeding the democratic process”.

What is the democratic process anyway?

In my mind, every country seems to have different ways of counting votes and deciding on their leaders so to what method of democracy do they refer?

I am put in mind of the older style beauty pageant contests where the participants were partly judged on what they said in an interview. When they were asked what they wanted to do with their lives they mostly stated they wanted to take on charitable roles or work for world peace. Having gone on to win (or not,  in most cases) where are they all now?

What are the real concerns?

Are those protesting against the postponement truly concerned with the “democratic process” or are they intimating that something is possibly being rigged here and that politics is corrupt in some way? SURELY NOT!

Of course, it would be silly if that were the case as they themselves are all politicians and God forbid people should believe that they were only working for their own benefit..

After all political parties worldwide and in particular the heads of the parties are only pursuing their career paths and working for the good of their country and people and world peace aren’t they?

None of these politicians truly wants to stay in power purely to earn huge financial rewards and advancement for themselves do they?

They want to be remembered, just like the “Miss Pageant” girls, as great leaders (or is it winners?) who help the people of their countries, work for world peace and do great charitable acts.

And so the pageant continues.

Tribal Timing

It never ceases to amaze me how employees the world over always seem to want to take time off EVEN when they are in a commission-only job it seems. Employers always have a totally different mind-set to them it seems.

In relation to this the main chat around Abuja and Nigeria at the moment is all to do with the impending elections. So our Abuja TM staff are now trying to tell us that time off will be necessary to get away from the problems that will be kicking off here – while they go off to vote in their own state. – even though some people will not even vote it seems –  Hmm!

They are suggesting 2 – 3 days off required as there will be unrest (maybe riots and also bombings) until the votes are counted and then further unrest when the results are known perhaps.

The GM of the hotel I live in suggested today that as her securityadviser had said there could be real troubles before, during and after the elections, it would be good to go shopping and get supplies now so we drove off out to the Silverbird shopping centre and did a big food shop (incidentally I also  found a brilliant wig-store with some really nice wigs that I may very  well purchase). All seemed perfectly normal and there were no bad vibes in the air.

However, that is by-the-by .  On the days of the elections (14^th and 28^th Feb) they are currently advising that ex-pats stay indoors or away.  Apparently many people are leaving the country (Nigerians included) as rumour is rife of possible real troubles, riots, war even!

According to who wins though the talk is that the Christian supporters (who are mainly for Jonathan and him remaining a further term) state that if he retains power there could be violence from the Muslims.

Christians are also saying if the Muslim party get in the Christians will not fight or cause wars!  This thus indicates that Christians are not fanatical and fighters but the Muslims are – this was told to me by a Christian man who was driving us to the shops.

So far I have had no-one Muslim give me their point of view so I cannot comment on the other party voters attitude in all truth.

The driver I refer to is also of the Igbo tribe and with nearly 174 million people making up Nigeria’s 36 states there are about 250 tribes but 3 main tribes. According to our driver ( an Igbo who may very well be biased therefore!):

• Hausa – apparently ignorant (uneducated) and lazy people.
• Igbo – very educated, hard-working and forward thinking entrepreneurs who will be found all over the world as they seek opportunities.
• Yaruba – play the middle ground – they are farmers and very strong so………….

However, when it comes to taking time off it seems that everywhere in the world, employees seem more interested in escaping work if they can, rather than offering to work longer hours – this is certainly the case in my current TM department where we have a mixture of 3 tribes working.

So perhaps the rumors of possible riots and wars have been amplified by those who are seeking time off – not the employers therefore but the tribes of employees.

News from Nigeria

OK – so I have  been back in Nigeria a week and what a non-stop week it’s been!

Arrived on Thursday and managed to get MOST of my belongings into some kind of order in the previously bland looking bedroom.  There’s still a bit to do but it already looks & feels more homely

Travelling with your home in 2 suitcases can be very challenging and I keep recalling the odd thing that I no longer own but could do with. Major things are here though and still haven’t got a place as I need another storage cupboard (which is apparently being built while I am in Lagos – so looking forward to that!)

Home in 2 suitcases

However generally it is not sensible to travel with too much and collecting “stuff” has really not been my “thing” for years now. As it is my brain gets cluttered enough with all my ideas, notions, imagination and wild fantasies. without having physical things to also contend with. Maybe that is why I am still living alone predominantly – after all could I really  handle another person and their “Stuff”?

Anyway, I organised most of “my stuff” but still need to put up my sari curtains in the lounge and arrange things there. Also there is a change of settee required for the lounge (the one they replaced while I was gone in December is actually more comfortable than the replacement they brought – so they are now re-replacing it ( i just made up that word but think it makes sense!).

On the work front – all systems go! What with recruiting from 9 applicants and then starting to train 3 new potential TM STAFF, suspending another TM ( a best booker too!) for getting her client to lie when they came in, I then got up at 5am flew early morning (7am) Friday to Lagos where I went straight to the office and spent the whole day talking to TM staff for feedback to establish how best to plan for training next week!

Continued with this again on Saturday before having a little rest today (although am prepping the training for the next 3 days at the same time).

I will be here only until Thursday and then back to Abuja until after the first election and then back to Lagos again!

ELECTIONS IN NIGERIA

With regards to elections – February is the month that is going to be full of riots and fighting according to some! It sadly seems to be like this in many a country nowadays when elections take place!

I can never work out why anyone gets so riled up – after all whoever gets into power will only screw it up again anyway! Mind you here it is quite volatile due to the religious factions, Boko Harum, etc.

There are two election days in Nigeria this February – the main presidential election (14^th Feb) and the state elections (28^th Feb) and all people who have the vote either go to their home state to vote or they don’t bother!!!

Our work driver Austin, who is a committed Christian (as most of our staff seem to be)  has declared that he WILL be using his vote on 14^th And 28^th Feb 2015 as otherwise he cannot comment on the state of the country without using his vote! And he is right.

We can all comment if we wish but we cannot moan about the state of the nation (whichever nation we be in) unless we are prepared to do something about it after all. So always use a vote when you have one (or put up and shut up!).

So I was chatting to him whilst on the road to the supermarket last week and he enlightened me a little about the history of Nigeria the elections and Boko Harum.

It is a fact that the former Head of State Muhammadu Buhari who will be running again for the presidency (born 17 December 1942) is an Islamist and retired Major General in the Nigerian Army and ruled Nigeria from 31 December 1983 to 27 August 1985, after taking power in a military coup d’etat.

He also ran unsuccessfully for the office of President in the 2003, 2007 and 2011 elections. In December 2014, he emerged as the Presidential Candidate of the All Progressives Congress, for the 2015 elections. A native of Daura in Katsina State, Buhari is of the Fulani ethnic background, and his faith is Sunni Islam.

Now he is the main contender to the current president Goodluck (yesthis is his name) Ebele Azikiwe Jonathan. Goodluck has been President of Nigeria since 2010 and is running now for a second (and final) term. He was also Vice-President of Nigeria from 2007 to 2010. Jonathan is a member of the ruling People’s Democratic Party (PDP).and a Christian.

My driver told me that Goodluck is likely to continue in the role though obviously this is not guaranteed so we must all vote when we can. So good luck to him eh?

Austin also told me that Buhari’s security force when he was Head of State were basically thugs and when he was removed from his post as head of state the thugs decided to continue to be thugs, run riot and wreak havoc and it was then th became what is now known as Boko Harum.  He sees these “gangsters” as wild fanatics who will do anything to have an Islamic state but they actually are not really abiding by the laws of Islam anyway.

Anyway, there are now rumours in newspapers and security warnings for people to be aware that the Boko Harum may step up their actions, shootings and bombings up to, during and after elections (depending on the outcome presumably). Apparently it happens every election so nothing new there!

Thus we are all aware that the election days WILL have problems and no non-Nigerians should venture out on these days. In fact the streets will be pretty empty they think and so it will be me by the pool or in the gym it seems on these 2 days off!

And I can tell you now I am already looking forward to those days off as these next few weeks will no doubt continue to be pretty hectic while I set the training in motion in an effort to up the production rate of all TM staff  through interactive training .

I am electing for 2 days off soon anyway – without having to resort to terrorism of course!

INDIAN REFLECTIONS

People have been asking me over the last few days & weeks how I feel to be “leaving “India.

So I thought I would jot down my thoughts and feelings as I am winging my way westwards towards Heathrow London and then on to deepest darkest Africa (well Nigeria anyway!).

Here are a few words – not necessarily of wisdom, but, I would like to think, worthy of consideration.

1, What have I learnt during my time here? 

Well I have learnt things about myself as well as other people.  My deepest wish is always to continue learning wherever I am or go. I believe it is what we need to grow and to keep our minds healthy and glowing and expanding. We expand our internal horizons through learning, regardless of whether we physically relocate our bodies.

• Travel is certainly a fast way to learn more quickly

By this I don’t mean travel as in the 2 week holiday tourist and sight-see – No I refer to immersing yourself for a time in a culture and surrounding yourself with local people who show you their thoughts and share their views. When travelling I advocate therefore , hostelling, couch-surfing or Air B & B – the locals will show you the way then.

• Patience is a virtue and necessary everywhere (as is tolerance of others).

An understanding of language and what makes a culture tick surely helps this. For example the words Thank you and Please don’t exist in Hindi but when Indians don’t use them, uneducated Westerners often  think the Indian is being rude – Not so!

• Smiling faces and the joy that we can bring to others by making them smile or laugh is precious.  Make others laugh or smile where you can

This is easy to do on a daily basis. When you say “good morning” and give a smile – it rolls onward. I have done it to every member of staff in the airports today and they have all smiled and answered me politely where other travellers did not think to even say a word to them and thus they were ignored or possibly felt ignored.  The joy you bring to others will make you happier than you often may be with your own day-to-day living.

• Sitting contemplating a tree, listening to the sounds of a garden, beach or neighbourhood, whilst smelling the coffee can bring a serenity that you will not find while you are rrunning around madly every day.

We all need to take time out to transfer this way of living to our “Western ways”.

• It is important to treat others as you would like others to treat you.

Don’t expect the worst as most times you get what you expect in life.

• Rich or poor is a state of mind

Financial wealth is not worth anything if you don’t see or can’t appreciate the spiritual things in life  and the people around you. Obviously money can ease people’s lives and in this day and age it is very difficult to live without some monetary income but it is never essential for true peace of mind. .

2, How do I feel about moving on?

There is a hint in that question – moving on.  I do not feel loss and rarely have when I moved on with places.

Only people seem to  create feelings of loss (and I have felt a few losses in my life where people are concerned) but nowadays the technology all around us means we do not have to lose “touch” with others although we may lose sight of them. Thus the only real loss can be the one when death takes a loved one from us. However, we will go on to meet them again when we pass on to another life if we are meant to so the loss is only temporary therefore.

sO – I can honestly say that I do not feel sad to leave India and I have never really felt sad to leave anywhere. This is probably due to the way my family have lived our lives, never looking back with regret, believing nothing is impossible when you want it enough,  living our lives to the fullest in the now and anticipating good things to always come our way.

Why should people consider that I should be regretful or tearful anyway? After all it is not as if I can never return (depending what the fates have in store of course for us). My time here is up and I am moving on to other things. Many people do not like change but personally I lap it up., seeing in it a new challenge and opportunity to learn more and different things.

•  Health, happiness, kindness to others as well as learning and loving about others is how we should progress through life.

As I depart from the Indian sub-continent therefore I wish you all a wealth of health in your lives – after all without health we have no true wealth.

I have met some wonderful people here many of whom I now consider friends and with whom I will keep in touch. However, they are the sort of people that we do not have to talk every day, week or even month.

We are connected (in many different ways) and will be happy to chat or see each other whenever the time is right and fate presents itself or when we need each other in some way then we will be in contact as fate decrees.

I understand that often we are only here for a season but there is always a reason for meeting those people we do meet and take to our hearts.

I have also learnt that as time passes (faster every day!) you have to make the most of it but this does not mean you have to be manically filling every minute of it with “doing” things.

I now have a short-term plan  – which is unusual for me as I have always gone with the flow – but old age has brought this on as I have realised that maybe my “hippy free-spirited” lifestyle has caused my financial situation and I WILL have to work until I drop dead.

However, that is no hardship for me when I love my work. Only the people and the places may alter that. Life is a challenge and I love challenges and welcome change.

So farewell India – I don’t recall any bad times there and I cannot say I regret anything I did or didn’t do whilst there.

A SOULS’ PLEA TO PARVATI

 SOUL
“I bleed but they do not hear me;
Instead they simply smile.
I need but they cannot touch me,
Though I lie in their arms for a while
I feed on their scent – it overpowers me,
But the emptiness only brings up bile:
I have greed for the love they can give me
But when it’s offered I will run a mile.”

PARVATI
“You are lost in this world, isolated;
Though you have social standing and wealth:
All these things really have not made you happy;
You are missing a sense of true self:
So you search for something more to excite you,
And to rescue you from this sad place:
But until you accept another’s love dear
You will simply remain a sad case.”

SOUL
“I shower them all with gifts and with money
But they offer me nothing in return:
If I give them my soul they will hurt me
Too often I have tried and been burned:
And once bitten twice shy was the lesson
Which I (more than once bitten) finally learned:
So now I travel through the world seeking
Will I settle once I have round the earth turned?”

PARVATI
“Your error is in seeking rewards dear
To want to take when you give is not right.
Unconditional love is the answer,
For that alone leads you to pure light:
When we offer our hearts and our spirit
We’re rewarded without having to fight:
You must forgive yourself first to find love now,
And don’t blame others when they seem to take flight”

SOUL
“But what do I do when I’m frightened?
I cannot back down – I’ve my pride.
Others will see me as weak then;
What happens when they know I have lied?
I must defend myself from the old hurt;
I need to take it all in my stride,
For the pain was so bad I can’t risk it once more,
So I prefer to keep it inside.”

PARVATI
“Peace of mind comes with self-love firstly;
Humility can act as your guide;
When you confront your fears you will observe
That your fear will turn like the tide;
As the ebb and the flow of your sorrow
Will soon makes its way outside
When you free it and face it you discover
That there never is good reason to hide.

So breathe deep and release all that pain dear,
Let tears flow so that you can begin
To let love now take you to places
That you may never have visited or seen;
These feelings can warm you forever;
They will heat you without and within;
Free your own soul, and then you’ll free others
Let love flow so your true life can begin.”

©Loopy January 2015

PULLING ON THE HEARTSTRINGS?

An old boyfriend told me long ago that they “leave a little piece of their heart wherever they go”.

This was understandable to me of course as I have travelled and lived in a number of places that all had various appeals and long-term attractions so that I developed a fondness for the location, the lifestyle, the people and the way of life. Thus I had left little pieces of my heart in various places also.

However, the person that told me this long ago had been a sailor and he had joined the navy to see the world and………………to find a woman for every port…………which he did manage apparently (well according to him anyway!)

So he was more interested in playing the field and his heart had nothing to do with it! He wanted to be free of all women but to keep them all on the back-burner for future possibilities.

When I got to know him I realised that for all his apparent strengths he was unable to actually let his emotions go or to be honest with himself. What chance then did others have to understand him or share his life?.

When I heard the “leaving a little of my heart in every place” line again recently told to me by a friend I felt a flashback stab of pain. However, I put this down to my being unreasonable and that I should not judge everyone by one person who had at one time hurt me.

Wrong – If I had been wary and listened to my inner self at that point things may have been different. However, I am always open to new experiences and trusted in the person who threw it at me.

Thus I was not prepared for the way that we went from seeming close friendship to the sudden callous way I was cut off from all communication that did not suit them. A user it seems they were (as are many men and women in these modern times it seems) and my heart had tricked me again.

However, it was probably down to my not balancing my emotions with logic. I therefore cannot blame them as although I felt a strong connection it seems that I set myself up for a fall.  All I can feel is very sad for them as they could not see a good thing when they saw it.

Being a positive person I like to believe the best in others but it seems my positivity overrode facts and common sense. I cannot say I was tricked – only that I allowed my imagination to trick my other senses.

People do and will lie and deceive in order to try to find a little piece of contentment for their own peace of mind perhaps. Maybe they delude themselves that this is what others want or expect. Perhaps they find happiness this way. I however cannot and I will not change to suit them.

Life should be about doing things with passion and so I am passionate in everything I do. When I find people I feel an affinity towards I give them my trust.

Thus this incident will not deter me – or shut me off from others. It does seem that sometimes people need me to boost their own egos.

So be it – where I can help and give something to others, then I am hopefully creating a positive attitude and I just need to do it without letting them pull the strings with my heart.